Women's Day - The backbone and The Creator

This week it feels like I've fallen into a big hole.

A big rock has been tied to my heart, to be sunk into the darkest, endless pit.

I'm tired, I'm restless. The happy skin that I wore everyday has worn out. This unstable mood swing, swings too much. I cried without a reason, I'm upset without a clue.

Then this came,

I've tried to hold my tears, and grinned from ear to ear. This small wish has patched up the hole and cut the rope that has tied my heart to the rock.

الحمدلله, ya الله. You're giving me a big thing, in a form of human, that can love me even I'm not good enough. I've forgotten how big is your love towards your slaves, and I'm being ungrateful, استغفر الله. 

I hate where the time I forgot about You. It feels empty. The presence of him, make me always remember of You, it's a present from You. A beautiful love, a mesmerizing support and endless reminder of You,  الله ❤ 

Lots of love,

Jay

To the Man.. that I Fall In Love With

Dear you,

I've never imagine that there's someone out there will fall in love with me. What do I have to make you fall?

Normal face, ordinary looking, boring attitude. That's me.

Countless time I've put myself down, lower than the ground.

You hated me for that. You tell me to love myself more and I've thanked you for that. I'm learning and still learning ❤.

You bring lights to my life like the torchbearer, and I grateful for that. You take lots of space in my heart and I feel content.

You warm me up, cheer me up in your own way each time when I'm down. Even we live 434km apart.

I love your family and I wish to be part of it. That's my recent dream.

I don't know how to tell you, besides by writing this. I was in my darkest side for years, and there's you. I was hiding all this sadness behind the happy face that I wear all the time. Suddenly, I've opened up my stressful jar and let it out. I'm glad. Glad that you're there.. to listen.

My darkest side will never leave me but you're accepting me for who I am and thank God, I'm blessed with it. I wish I can hug you each time I "tripped". Kiss my pain away and wipe my tears.

You're my comfort zone that I wish to stay forever.

Please stay by my side. Always.. until I die.

But if and only if, our jodoh is not that long, I'm wishing that you will always be happy, happy with whomever that you're destined with. Because once you're happy, I feel complete. I will pray the happiness that you longing for.

This will be my last sorry. I'm sorry that I can't make you happy.

Thank you sayang.

Love,

- Jay